I Wanna Get Better
by julixssa
Summary: Entry 54: My mission to get Ana Kuya to let me take online courses for school is still in its early stages. I've never wanted to not go to school more than now, only because a) there are two new students who can't seem to leave me alone b) Mal is absolutely no help whatsoever c) both of said transfer students are extremely tempting and d) cafeteria food is simply disgusting. [AU]
1. Couldn't I Just Stay Home?

**well i read the series and couldn't help but picture their entire high school lives  
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**tell me what you think!**

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><p><em>Entry 46:<em>

_The school year is already starting tomorrow. It's hard to believe that I've actually spent the entire summer cooped up inside on my computer - wait, no it isn't. The sarcasm is thick tonight. _

_I can't exactly say I'm looking forward to this year. Then again, I've said that every year since freshman year. However, I can just _feel _that this year is going to be disastrous. Don't ask me how I know, I just do - and I can also tell that I'll be waking up late judging by the time it is right now. Sleep is just not wanting to visit me right now, which I don't mind at all. It gives me an excuse to search up ways to avoid eye contact and ignore every human being who tries to approach me. I've said it before and I'll say it again, I do _not _like high school. And, it isn't just high school - it's the entire human race. Now, hang on, that sounds a bit odd. I'll just level it down to people my age. Especially the girls, no, scratch that, boys included. I've researched ways to try to get my hair as glossy and fluffy as the girls in my class, I've gone on endeavors to the perfume department at Macy's, and let's not forget the horrific trip to the Lancome desk at JC Penny - and nada, zip, nothing. My stringy brown hair will remain flat and dull for as long as I'll live, and my too-pale skin will always repel anyone who steps too close. Well, anyone except Mal, but he doesn't really count. _

_Well, it would seem Ana has heard my incessant typing and has threatened to throw my laptop out the 's it for today, and if I don't kill myself by tomorrow morning, expect another entry. _

_ A. S. _

I yawned, rubbing one eye as I shut my laptop closed. The boy in the bunk above mine was snoring softly, shifting so that one of his hands fell over the edge of the bed.

I set my laptop under my bed after hooking it up to charge, and finally settled onto my side to hopefully get some sleep. The sheets were warm; my toes appreciated the extra coverage while it did my thoughts no favors. Scenarios bounced off the walls of my brain, each ending only in disaster and/or with me dying. I supposed that death would be better than junior year. I was not worried over how difficult the classes would be, no, I was worried over how badly the teasing and name-calling would be. If it were not for Mal, I'm sure that I would be six feet under.

Blogging helped, I guess. Nothing like ranting about terrible cafeteria food and skinny jeans to a bunch of strangers on the internet— and not to mention the occasional riddle. And the advice I received was more than helpful, along with the praise for my mapping and architectural skills. It was not like there was much praise to go around at the orphanage; strangers' opinions were the next best thing.

Before I knew it, I had thought myself to sleep as I did every night.

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><p>"Sticks, you'll be late if you don't get up,"<p>

I groaned, turning to face the wall instead of the brunette standing over my bed. I heard him sigh.

"Alright, but don't get mad at me when Ana won't give you a ride to school."

I wanted to punch the triumphant smirk on his face as I dragged myself to the shower.

Malyen and I had been best friends since we had met at the orphanage. Neither of us had known our parents, and we never talked about them either— we never wanted to or had to. There was no deep, emotional past, we arrived around the same time and have gotten along since. The only difference was that he was much more healthy and able than I was. I'm the one with health problems and having to skip P.E. every day. Then again, at least I didn't have to climb that stupid rope.

After showering and getting dressed, Ana Kuya was waiting for us outside in the orphanage minivan, fingers drumming on the steering wheel impatiently. She never was a sweet woman— at least upon first glance. Dig a little deeper and drill into a few sheets of rock and you'll find a fuzzy center. Tell me about it when you reach it.

"I do _not _have all day to wait around for you two," she snapped as Mal and I climbed inside, still munching on our breakfast apples.

"Don'f look af me," Mal said in between chews, "Schticks took four dayf to gef ready."

"I wouldn't even have to get up and cause you grief if you'd let me take online courses for school." I grumbled, taking an angry bite out of my apple.

"No chance. A girl like you could use the interaction." _A girl like me. _Ana finally started the car, pulling onto the road and yelling at whichever pedestrians dared to cross the street. I kept quiet, occupied with my apple, as was Mal— scratch that, he was busy typing away on his phone with the apple held in his mouth. He was also the more social of us both, and I had to admit I envied that fact about him (as did I every other fact about him).

While contemplating the amount of self-pity I had, the school building came into view and my stomach began doing flips. I hadn't changed my appearance or personality at all, and was that what everyone was expecting? For Alina Starkov to finally break out of her timid little shell and become the next social butterfly?

Well, they've got a big surprise in store for them.

"Don't get into trouble," The woman pointedly said towards Mal, then shifted her gaze to me, "and try to be good."

I rolled my eyes. "I'll keep Mal in check, Ana."

"And I'll try to get Alina some friends." The brunet cheekily added. I half-heartedly shoved his arm and climbed out of the van.

The large building stood before us, its windows shined and doors polished. The school flag was perched next to the statue of the school's mascot, a giant, gleaming hawk. Its talons were open and sharp, the beak curved and pointed towards whoever stood in front of it. A plaque beneath it read "Home of the Firebirds". The statue had to be the only thing I liked about the school.

Once Ana drove away, the two of us started through the crowd of students.

"Did you hear? There's a new kid transferring..."

"I heard there were _two _new kids..."

"One's really rich! I hear he's not too bad looking, too!..."

"What about the other one? Pretty mysterious..."

New students? While the question as to why anyone would want to transfer to Ravka Public High School came up in my mind, there were also questions as to who these new students were. It was not like there was something that set us apart from other schools - if anything, we blended in too much with other public schools.

Mal piped up then, "New students, huh? Wonder if they're Alina-material."

I rolled my eyes. "I don't need friends, Mal."

"Everyone needs friends, Sticks. Sure, you don't have to be a social butterfly, but at least _someone_ besides the kid you grew up with in an orphanage."

A sigh escaped my lips, and I hiked my backpack higher onto my shoulders, picking up my pace. I heard Mal sigh behind me and I didn't check twice to see if he was still there; another girl had called his name somewhere in the crowd.

The inside of the school was just as busy as the outside. Everyone was trying to get their new lockers opened, organize their books and check out their classes before hand. I just wanted to find my locker and stuff my books inside, then find a secluded bench to hide on the internet before first period. Like I said, blogging helped.

And it wasn't like Mal's words hadn't hurt; I _know _I don't have any friends beside him and a few other kids from the orphanage. Did he really have to go and say it out loud? His opinions mattered most to me - not that he would ever know. I keep my emotions to myself and locked in a giant box under the bed. Besides, what would a guy like him ever see in a girl like me? He probably sees me as a little sister, from the way he treats me.

I cursed under my breath. Now was not the time to get depressed over stupid things and petty crushes.

After successfully finding my locker and organizing my books in order of my classes, I sought out a quiet area in the library to pull out my laptop. There were hardly anyone here, except for the librarian sorting books, and the quiet was relaxing. I yawned and pulled up my blog, clicking on the "New Entry" button.

_Entry 47: _

_Just as I suspected, this school year is going to be a royal pain in the ass. It's not even first period and I already regret getting out of bed. I don't know why I bother with school; I can always take online courses to get my diploma and then enroll in an online college program and save Ana the gas. Plus, it would also be easier for Mal to not drag me to parties and insist on meeting some of his friends. I don't know why he had to befriend the "popular" crowd in the first place - his taste is terrible. All I have to do is convince Ana Kuya to pull me from school - _

"'It's not even first period and I regret getting out of bed. I don't know why I bother with school; I can always take online courses -'"

I slammed my laptop shut and stood, turning to face whoever was reading my entry outloud. It was a _boy, _surprisingly, and his blond hair was cut to match military standards, with clear hazel eyes shining with amusement. _Amusement towards _me_, _I thought with a scowl. I would feel less intimidated if he weren't a skyscraper compared to my height. "W-Who are you?"

He was still chuckling when I found my voice. "I think the more interesting of us is you. So why don't _you_ introduce _yourself_?"

My cheeks burned, but I refused to walk away. "I'll show you interesting if you don't leave."

"Yikes, feisty," his eyebrows rose, but he kept that cheeky grin. "Nikolai Lantsov, I just transferred here this morning." He dipped his head in a mock bow.

So _he_ was one of the new kids that transferred. He didn't seem mysterious, so I guessed he must be the rich one the others were gossiping about. "Hrmph. Alina Starkov."

"Is it not a pleasure to meet me?"

I turned on my heel and started out of the library. Of course, he didn't leave me alone there.

"Well, aren't you a ray of sunshine," he muttered as he caught up to me in the bustling hallway. It was busier now that there were only a few more minutes left until first period, but that did not stop me from trying to get away from this Lantsov guy. "_I _thought it was nice to meet you. Who's Mal, by the way?"

"His full name is _None of Your Business_," I replied, keeping my eyes forward and turning the corner. "And leave me alone."

Nikolai scoffed. "Looks like you have no trouble being alone."

My backpack to his face was becoming an appealing image in my head. "Do you usually pester girls when you meet them?"

"Only the pretty ones," the blond grinned; my cheeks flushed. "and the ones who play hard to get."

Finally reaching my locker, I carefully set my laptop inside and pulled out my algebra II book. "I'm not playing hard to get, I just don't like talking to people. Or, rather, people like you."

He crossed his arms over his chest, cocking his head to the side. "People like me? What's that supposed to mean?"

I didn't get to answer his question, the bell went off to signal first period. I shrugged, closing my locker and turning on my heel. "Guess we'll never find out."

With that, I prayed it would be the last time I would see Nikolai Lantsov that day, and possibly the rest of the school year.

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><p>Thankfully, I had made it through my first 4 periods without another sighting of Nikolai. I was not really bothered by his presence, I realized while doodling in my notebook in third period. He was not that different from Mal- except he was at the same time. He was more...<em>out there. <em>He wasn't afraid of saying what he thinks, and he seemed to have no filter for his words. I suppose he was just trying to be nice and make some friends, but there was a crowd he fit into already, he shouldn't be hanging out with a nobody like me. Plus, he was _way _too good-looking to be seen with a sickly girl.

I set my bag down next to the stool I was seated on in my anatomy class, having picked out an empty lab table to sit at. I was thankful for the fact that after this period I'd be having lunch, which meant I could eat in the library and finish my blog entry. Ana packed me my favorite kind of cookies, which gave me _something _to look forward to.

I was too absorbed in my thoughts over how Ana was able to make those cookies taste so divine that I failed to notice someone pull out the stool next to mine and set their own bag down. It was only when I caught a whiff of some _stunning_ cologne that I glanced towards whoever I was doomed to be lab partners with for the year.

I did a double-take, trying hard not to make it obvious that I was staring: cloudy gray eyes rivaling quartz, a sharp, gorgeous face and black hair that might as well have been the night sky. The comparisons were so cheesy, I had to stop myself from laughing. But that begged the bigger question: who was he and why was someone so photogenic sitting next to me?

I was afraid it would be Nikolai all over again. I kept quiet and acted like I didn't notice him, hoping he would do the same as I continued doodling in my notebook.

Then, his cool voice broke my concentration on a toad I was attempting to draw, "Don't toads have two eyes?"

His voice held a hint of amusement; I gulped. "This one lost its eye. To, um..." I couldn't believe I was actually telling him this. "a _volcra._"

"_Volcra?"_

"These monsters that my caretaker made up when I was younger," it was easy to tell him things. Unlike Nikolai, he didn't seemed to have that flamboyant aura around him that demanded attention. "they live in the dark."

"I didn't expect talk of monsters when I took this seat," he said honestly, but with no malice, "I guess it's something different." A hand was held out towards me, "Aleksander Morozova."

"Alina Starkov." My hand met his and _dear God_, it was as if an actual electric shock went off between us. The handshake was over too quickly for my liking, and it was then that our teacher decided to waltz in, arms full of papers.

As she began to introduce herself, a tiny, folded up scrap of paper landed on top of my notebook.

"_Tell me more about those _volcras_?"_

This year probably wouldn't be so bad after all.


	2. Nikolai Is a Literal Trashcan

**no, i haven't decided on a pairing yet. i ship alina with literally anyone/anything. thanks for the question!**

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><p>"Just the gal I was looking for," Nikolai's ever-confident voice said from behind me, and I didn't have the patience to talk or hurt him. When he saw that I didn't turn around, I could feel the apology in his voice. "okay, you're not <em>that <em>cranky."

I closed my locker and began walking towards the stairwell. The only thing on my mind at that point was lunch. And Aleksander. But mostly lunch. "I wanna make it to lunch without bruising my hand," the blond touched his jaw and winced, "so what is it you need? And make it quick."

"You have lunch next? What a coincidence!" he slung an arm around my shoulder, to which I blatantly grimaced. The last thing I needed was for this guy to be sitting next to me at lunch, which was supposed to be my time to get some blogging done and not have to listen to some rich boy's problems.

"I eat lunch in the library, Nikolai," I managed to shrug his arm off once I reached the stairway. "Pretty sure a guy like you would rather eat lunch downstairs with the other 'cool kids'."

"Hm... I suppose you're right..."

_Thank God._

"But I'll have to decline that offer."

_I trusted you, God._

It took everything in me not to groan once he started going off about some problem with his brother or father or some relative. The librarian didn't notice my presence but gave a glare towards Nikolai as we went towards the back of the library, where the bean bags and fuy chairs were. Once I plopped down onto a bean bag, I opened up my lunch and started munching on my turkey sandwich.

I looked over towards Nikolai, who was lying with his stomach down on one of the bean bags and still yammering away about his rich kid problem, and noticed he was missing his lunch. I swallowed my bite of turkey sandwich and asked, "Nikolai, where's your lunch?"

"Didn't bring any." he brushed off the question. And I would be lying if I said he didn't look hungry by the way he kept eyeing my lunch bag. I was also pretty sure that it was not some monster grumbling away underneath his bean bag.

I broke off half of my sandwich and held it out. "Here."

"You don't have to do that, Alina."

"Would you prefer a knuckle sandwich?"

He took the offer with a nervous laugh. As he began to literally inhale his half of my sandwich, I decided to make conversation now that he forgot about his earlier problem. "Do you not have time in the morning to make your own lunch?"

"Well, I usually have someone make my lunches," Nikolai explained, "but ever since my parents split up, we haven't had much help around the house."

_At least he has parents. _"Is it true you're rich?"

He laughed. "You're not afraid to ask questions, huh? Both of my parents are pretty prestigious, yeah, but since I stay with my mom, she's been pretty busy at work and keeping up appearances. She's, uh, the one who usually made my lunches."

While I was jealous, the image of Nikolai's mother taking time to make his lunches in the morning nearly made me squeal. "Must have been nice, then."

"What about you, Starkov? Is Ana Kuya your mom?"

I reached inside my lunchbag for the cookies as I answered, "No, she's the caretaker at the orphanage."

"Ah. Sorry."

"For what?" I asked, biting into one of the cookies. "There really isn't any tragic backstory to my parents, I'm fine with Mal and Ana."

He rolled onto his back, nearly falling off of the bean bag. "By the way, who is this Mal character? A brother? Cousin? Secret lover?"

I offered him a cookie, rolling my eyes at his list. "He's one of the kids who I grew up with in the orphanage. So, brother, kind of, yes."

We spent the rest of the period, surprisingly, talking and getting to know each other pretty..._pleasantly_. I supposed that when Nikolai was down to earth like this, we could get along just fine. He certainly was no Mal or Aleksander, but he _was _different. I still could not help but think this image was a bit strange, however, as I was sure that almost everyone had gotten to know Nikolai. He was not exactly the most shy person; I wouldn't be surprised if they ared have him as prom king later on in the year.

The bell was about to ring, and as I was packing up my stuff while listening to Nikolai go off about some teacher who had apparently mispronounced his name I heard the slam of the library doors and someone shout out, "Nikolai Lantsov!"

The blond lounging on the beanbag suddenly shot up, brushing the cookie and sandwich crumbs from his jeans as a red-headed girl marched over, positively fuming. She was a bit taller than me, possibly a year older than me, as well, and she was stunningly gorgeous. Her skin was sun-kissed and her eyes were a bright golden color, and I could immediately tell that she was one of _those _girls - who sat in the middle of the cafeteria and attracted everyone's attention. It was no surprise she seemed to know Nikolai.

"Genya!" The taller nervously laughed, opening his arms as if to hug her, "where have you been, I've been looking everywhere for—"

"_Don't _try that with me, Lantsov," the redhead cut him off, her perfectly manicured nails slapping away his arms, "Where have you been? I've been going crazy trying to find you all over the school, and I find you here with..." She turned to me, as if suddenly realizing my existence. "Hello."

"Um, is he...yours?" I pointed towards Nikolai.

She laughed a tinkling laugh— I had no idea if it were genuine or not. "No, but I _am _supposed to be showing him around. After all, the son of the principal needs a well-done tour of Ravka High."

I blinked, then blinked some more. Was the actual rumored son of our Principal standing right in front of me? Did I really just share my sandwich with him?

"Well, gee, Genya, you ruined the surprise." Nikolai chided, stuffing his hands into his pockets. "Well, Starkov, you found me out."

"Starkov?" Genya turned towards me, reaching to close my gaping mouth before I swatted her hand away. "You're Mal's sister, right?"

"Er...not exactly," I replied, hiking my backpack onto my shoulders. "Well, it was nice meeting you, um, Genya, and," I glanced towards Nikolai before beginning to leave, "you, too, Nikolai."

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><p>I made quick strides towards the doors, wanting nothing more than to get to my next class and end this day already. Nikolai was already a handful to deal with, but now that he's the principal's <em>son... <em>I sighed and quickened my pace towards my locker.

It wasn't as if the principal was a _bad _guy. Well, I'm lying. No one knows much about him, just that he's maybe in his forties or fifties, a bit bigger and missing a chin, plus his nose is possibly full of broken blood vessels. I honestly could not see the resemblance between Nikolai and and the Principal - perhaps he got more of his mother's genes.

Genya, as it turns out, happened to be in my history class. She nearly lunged for the desk next to mine in the back of the room once she saw me doodling in my notebook. I tried not to notice her, but she made it hard - grabbing my notebook from my desk and flipping through my notes, for one - so I had no choice but to talk to her. And I know I say it like it was a bad thing, and I do not mean that Genya is a bad person, it's just that she was so... _different. _Different is not a bad thing, but the people I usually talk to (and they are limited) are a lot more reclusive and quiet. I'm just making all sorts of friends today.

I had to admit, she knew her fashion and gossip. Half the things she spoke about I had no idea happened in this school, especially the more scandalous things. Her laugh was tinkling, and after an entire class period with her, I could tell it was genuine - her laughter towards my obliviousness. Apparently I was the first person to never have had alcohol before at age sixteen.

"So, Alina, are you busy after school? Please tell me you aren't," Genya asked as we walked to our lockers.

"Well..." _I had blogging in mind, so does that count as being busy? _"I guess not."

She squealed, her fluffy hair bouncing on her shoulders as she literally hopped. "Maybe I can do something about that hair! Or those pale cheeks!"

I cringed at the mention of a makeover, but shrugged away my distaste for the sake of her excitement. Upon opening my locker, Genya's manicured fingernail poked me in the side, and she grabbed my arm to make me face whatever she was facing. Aleksander was at his locker, a hand casually in his pocket while the other was working his combination.

"That's one of the new kids, right?"

"Aleksander?" I raised an eyebrow towards her sudden change in tone, "yeah, he's in my anatomy class."

"Alexander?" she wrinkled her nose.

"It's with a K. Like, A-L-E-K-S-A-N-D-E-R."

She wrinkled her nose even more.


End file.
